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Bitter words, petty disagreements, tattling, put-downs, overreactions, anger. As Christians families, we are not immune to the woes of sibling issues. The constant bickering. It wears on your nerves. It breaks your heart. It steals your joy. Not only does sibling fussing do these things to parents, it also wears on the hearts of the children involved. So do you know what to do when your kids act like enemies?
Of course, a certain amount of sibling arguing is normal and not be expected when we are sinners who live with sinners. No child (or parent) will act perfectly unselfish all of the time.) But what can you do when the strife becomes too much?
What can you do when your kids act like enemies?
Give in.
Tell them since they act like enemies, you expect them to treat their siblings like enemies from now on.
Then, teach them how Jesus expects us to treat our enemies.
Jesus tells us exactly what to do when our kids act like enemies and why in Matthew 5:44.
Jesus’s Instructions for Relating to Enemies
(And Difficult Siblings)
Show them love. Remember, love is an action, not a feeling. When siblings go out of their way to treat each other with love, even when it isn’t deserved, hearts will soften even towards those who seem to cause the most trouble. Love covers a multitude of sins.
Bless those who curse you. When a sibling says something rude or even mean, teach kids to respond with a blessing instead flying off the handle. Remember, a soft answer turns away wrath (Proverbs )
Do good to those who hate you. Sometimes my kids act like they hate each other. Now, deep down, I hope and pray that isn’t true, but actions speak louder than words. You can encourage kids to find something good to do for a sibling who seems to treat them hatefully.
Pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. Only God can change the hearts of our kids. Teach them to pray for each other, not just that God will change the other person, but that the sibling will succeed in all he/she does, that he/she will grow in his/her relationship with Christ, and that God will mend the relationships.
Why it so important to follow these instructions from Jesus when sibling strife is “normal?”
“That you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5:45-48 NKJV
As Christians, we are not called to be “normal” Our goal is to be like our Father in all of our relationships, and He is perfect. We cannot just accept constant sibling bickering among Christian kids as a part of daily life. We must strive teach them to forgive and seek forgiveness, to both extend and accept grace, and to love when love isn’t returned. (Ephesians 4:32)
It isn’t easy, and we still have a long way to go with our eight kids, but God will finish the work He began in each of them and in me! (Philippians 1:6) For more help on what to do when your kids act like enemies, try My Brother’s Keeper, a Bible study from Not Consumed. We used it several years ago and hope go through it again soon before beginning other sibling resources, such as The Sibling Challenge Journal or Game.
I printed Matthew 5:44 for each of my older kids and asked them to hang it where they will be reminded daily to treat their siblings like their enemies. I am trusting that God’s Word will not return void, but He will it to work in their lives and relationships.
Download a free printable of Matthew 5:44 for your family from I Want Them To Remember today!
As my kids grow in Christ, I want them to remember the importance of living out their faith at home. I know I must set the example, though home can be the hardest place to show the fruit of the Spirit. Thank God for His unending grace for us all!
What do you do when your kids act like enemies? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
More on Family From I Want Them to Remember
I have a 3 and 1 yr old. The 3 year old tends to bully and snatch toys from the little. I really enjoyed this article, but was wondering if you had any advice for my situation?
Hi, Rachel,
Teaching toddlers and preschoolers to share is a whole other ballgame! They are naturally selfish and though we begin laying the foundation of scripture, they really don’t grasp its meaning yet. I usually remind the older child that he has his own toys and help him gently return the toy he took. Sometimes I also try to teach empathy, asking how he would feel if someone took the toy he was playing with. I’ve also tried telling the older child he can have the toy when the little one is finished with it (which usually isn’t long). It definitely takes time, practice, and a little maturity for ones so young to learn to share.